England + France = Texas?

I've never been all that great at math, except for when I was...but I think I know when a formula is complete crap. I got to thinking about all the accents there are in America. The annoying Bahston accent, the sexy southern accents, the oh so erotic...um...Chicago accent...hmm...the point being there's a lot of different ways people talk over her in the ol' US. The thing that confuses me about it is America was all populated by Spaniards and Frenchman and the British and so on. So what combination of those people adds up to a southern accent? I seriously doubt if a brit and a mexican had a baby and raised it in france it would come out sounding like a Texan. It makes no sense to me. At some point someone somewhere made a conscious decision to start talking like a dumbass. Don't get me wrong, southern accents are hot for chicks...but guys just sound ignorant and annoying. But it's obviously not just the southern accents. Boston. Don't even get me started on them. Where do you get THAT abortion of an accent from? I know we were all trying to separate ourselves from the British after that whole war thing...but what the hell is that? I want to meet the idiots that decided to start talking like that and punch them in the throat. But aside from my annoyance at having to listen to people talk, it all goes back to how in the world did these accents come about? It really had to be just some guy waking up one morning and saying "I'm going to start talking with a southern accent." I mean, obviously he didn't call it a southern accent, but you get the idea. Although come to think of it how on earth did the rest of the world come by their accents? At what point in the bible does it say "and then all the children of the world (who by the way are all descendants of the same two people...poor planning on someone's part) explored the other areas of the world and start talking like a bunch of jerkoffs." I'm guessing it's not in there. Just like the dinosaurs aren't in there. The bible is just riddled with inaccuracies. I've seen the flintstones. I know what life was REALLY like.

I sort of went off on a tangent there, but on a related topic (not to the bible or dinosaurs...related to my original point) what's the deal with us being the only country that doesn't use the metric system. It's not wonder the rest of the world hates us. Again, I understand we wanted to be independent from Britain, but making up a measurement system that no one else is ever going to use really seemed like a bad idea. It just confuses everyone. And then we expect everyone to adjust to us and speak in inches and feet. Why? What gives us the right to demand that everyone use our system of measurement when we invented it later and when everyone else already uses the other system. Gah! We're just so stupid! Plus it's made life very hard on me. I have no idea how long a meter is. I think it's like three inches less than a yard or something...but it comes up a lot in conversation...or in the olympics...which, by the way, are mostly boring...especially rowing...wow...look at those boats row. Yup. There they go...for 20 minutes...sweet...