The Playoffs

The NFL playoff system is flawed. The NCAA is even worse, but that's not what this about. I love Jay Cutler and the Denver Broncos as much as the next guy...in fact I'm a way better fan than people that live in Denver (i could write an entire blog on how much those guys suck) but this is ridiculous. The game isn't over so I have no idea who's actually going to the playoffs, but this Denver vs. San Diego game shouldn't matter. If Denver wins they're 9-7. If San Diego wins they're 8-8. Whoever wins goes to the playoffs. And why? Because they win the AFC West. A pathetic division in football. Meanwhile the New England Patriots are 11-5 and will miss the playoffs. Heck, if the Chargers win, the Jets will have a better record than them at 9-7 and will miss the playoffs. The point being, there shouldn't be an 8-8 team (I'm pretty confident that the Broncos will blow this game...though I wish they wouldn't. Philip Rivers is a douche) in the playoffs when there's an 11-5 team and 9-7 team sitting at home watching. Now you can make the argument that because they win their division, they deserve to be in the playoffs. And this has been the fatal flaw with the NFL. For years the NFC West has, by far, been the worst division in football. Every year it seems that an 8-8 or 9-7 team wins the division and makes it to the playoffs while much better teams are forced to stay home. I would recommend eliminating divisions all together. I mean, they don't make sense anyway. Why is St. Louis in the NFC WEST? St. Louis isn't exactly west. Even when there were only 3 divisions they should have been central. And I guess you could make the case that because they used to be in LA they should be west, but guess what...they're not in LA anymore. Oh, and news flash...Kansas City isn't west either. And they've always been an AFC West team. The point being, the divisions don't make sense and all they do is screw up the playoffs. So you just have the conferences...and sure that makes scheduling harder, but deal with it. I was going to do all sorts of research to find out who should actually be in the playoffs based on the best records in each division, but I'm lazy. The one thing I can tell you is that no one from the AFC West should be in the playoffs. The Patriots should be in. And I'm pretty sure the Cardinals would lose some tie-breaker along the way and some other NFC team should be in the playoffs. I used to think the playoff system was fine the way it was, but after this season (and, as previously mentioned, the consistent failure of the NFC West) I think it needs some work. So, you know, all you higher ups in the NFL that are reading this (I know you're searching the web for posts on Ryan Leaf) make the change. It needs to be done. Too many teams are being screwed out of playoff spots. It's lame. Just like you. In conclusion, if the Broncos don't win tonight, I will punch a baby.

I'm so hungry, I could really use a laptop

I don't claim to be the smartest man in the world, but I'm pretty sure you can't eat a laptop. There was a project a couple of years back that somebody was working on to get laptops into the hands of children in third world countries. The idea was to make a laptop that only cost $100 so that they could just hand 'em out and it would be cool. Back then I scoffed at the idea saying it was one of the most stupidest ideas I've ever heard. "Those kids don't want laptops" I said. "Those kids want food!"

Here we are years later and their dream has become a reality. They all can have laptops. Wait...what? That's right. Amazon apparently has this thing where you can buy a laptop for some third world country kid and you get a laptop for yourself. That's awesome. Now I'm not going to claim that I've actually bothered to read about the details of this whole program, but I can tell you just from concept alone that it is just as stupid as it was when I first read about it 2 years ago. I find it hard to believe that these kids are hankerin for a laptop. There's commercials on TV showing these underprivelaged kids from like Uganda with their laptops balanced on their head (I don't know how much more offensive you could be) and then they say to the camera "My laptop is wicked rad! Now I can learn stuff!" Ok. Number one, where are you getting your internet connection to learn stuff? Is Uganda a wireless country? Little known fact...number two, really? God, I'm so hungry...I could really use a laptop right now. Let me do a google image search for food (the picture above is the first result by the way)...oh man I'm so full from looking at pictures of food. Anybody else want to use my laptop to look at sweet pictures of food? It's so delicious. It's way better than actually eating. Thank you, Amazon, for providing me with my awesome new laptop.

I'm not sure why we made it a priority to get these kids laptops instead of spending that money on food. I mean, they never did get a hang of the $100 laptop which means that they're spending over $100 and according to Sally Struthers, you can feed a family of 12 for 3 cents a day. So instead of a laptop, you could have fed the entire country for the next decade. I'm just saying...misappropriated funds.

It all goes back to my central theme : People are stupid.

I never would have allowed this to happen. But since it's too late, is there any way I can convince these people to send ME a laptop? I'm pretty hungry right now...

Prop 8

Before I start, let me just say I was all about marrying dudes BEFORE the celebrities made it the new thing to care about. And yes, I worded it like that on purpose...obviously.

So I was really really pissed off when California went ahead and made gay marriage unconstitutional. I understand that there are people still stuck in 1837 and they fear that the gay community is going to eat their children and then poop them out in a rainbow...it's a rational concern...but this wasn't even really about gay marriage. As the wise "no on prop 8" commercials (unlike their uninformed stupid counterparts) pointed out, it was about protecting basic human rights. Remember that "all men are created equal" thing? I don't think there was an asterix there that, at the bottom of the page, went on to say *except for blacks, jews, gays, and really anyone that's not a rich white dude. I mean, I never read the document, so I don't know for sure it doesn't say that, but I have to believe it's not in there. Of course, us awesome Americans have been ignoring that phrase ever since it was written. So why stop now?

It just really infuriates me that people are still so unaccepting of anyone different than they are. I'm sure the same people that voted to ban gay marriage would have voted to bring back slavery and stick women back in the kitchen. I hate stupids.

And then I have to sit here on my couch and watch these damn Chevron (i think it's them) commercials telling me how America looks to California for the future. Well, I hate to tell you, Chevron, but California just met up with Doc Brown and they're going on a magical penis ride back to the 50s. And I have a feeling they won't be kissing their mom this time. Ok, that last part didn't really help my amazing imagary...but you get the point.

For the record, Massachussetts is cooler than California. And I think you know why. (hint: it's not just the snow)